Right There

UNC’s football team is right there. We really are. What I mean is that UNC, while they may not completely be in control of their own destiny, we are pretty damn close. Through 8 games we are 6-2. Virginia leads the Coastal division right now, and if they win out, they are going to Tampa (where they will lay an egg against FSU). But I don’t think anybody think UVa will win out; they have Miami, @WF, Clemson, and finish @ VT. I’m willing to bet they lose at least 2 of those games. Regardless, Cedric Peerman will celebrate 3 yard gains like he just broke 80 yards to tie the Super Bowl, so at least that will be entertaining. VT has to losses (like UNC) but owns the tie breaker because of Greg Little’s fumbles and Ron Cherry’s incompetence. But VT now has two injured QBs and that may prove to be a challenge for an already weak offense. VT has got MD, @Miami, Duke and UVa left on the schedule. Murphy’s law says that bad Maryland shows up at Lane on November 6th, but the Miami and UVa games could be close. Georgia Tech is ahead of UNC in the coastal right now by default because they have played more games. They are a good team with a VERY good defense. They have FSU, @UNC and Miami left on their ACC schedule before they get clobbered in Athens.


Basically, I doubt any of the above teams will win all of their remaining games. UNC has got GT, @UMD, NCSU and @Duke. If they win each game, I’d be SHOCKED if they arn’t in Tampa on December 6th. The Georgia Tech game has just become the biggest game of the year. They are the best team left on UNC’s schedule, it’s at home and we all know we need it to stay in the race. I am still not sure what to make of Maryland except that they might have the best RB in the ACC. State will come into Kenan most likely having nothing to play for (assuming Wake beats them), so it will be one of those “let’s crap on UNC’s parade” type of games for NCSU and a “take care of business” game for UNC (just like basketball every year!).


And then there is the Duke game, which might scare the crap out of me. UNC might go into Wallace Wade to face a 5-6 Blue Devil team that will come out with their fucking hair on fire. Look, UNC is already Duke’s super bowl, they should have beaten us last year, and the last convincing win we have had against them was in 2004. If they have something to play for (bowl eligibility), it just scares me. We are without a doubt a more talented team then Duke, that’s a given. But this one would be very, very close.


Look, UNC is in the same situation that VT, GT and Virginia are; they are all in control of their future. If UNC wants to upgrade this season from successful (7+ wins, respectable bowl) to special (9+ wins, good bowl) they are going to have to take it, and if they take it, they’ll get it. UNC is right there, we are right there in that crowd talking about a possible ACC championship, a possible Orange, Peach, Gator or Tangerine Bowl, a possible 9+ win season. North Carolina is right there, and it’s a damn fine place to be.

Week 10: UNC vs. BC

After the UVa meltdown last weekend, I remember being in a trans of sorts while driving to my girlfriends house. It was the kind of trans where you stop at a stop light and just stare directly in front of you, never once noticing that the light had turned green in front of me. Just overly bummed out and playing that ‘what if’ game that we always play. What if Cam didn’t throw that INT to that D lineman? What If Nick’s hadn’t fumbled that ball? What if our prevent D actually worked? I was listening to an obviously disappointed Woody Durham and Co. and I remember then interviewing Cam Sexton. Emotional, torn up Cameron Sexton. The fans and media would put this loss on a lot of things, and Sextons turnovers would certainly be one. He knew it. You could hear it in his voice. (I’m paraphrasing)


“I feel terrible, I feel like I let my teammates, the fans, the state of North Carolina, the university down.”


I love this guy. I really do. In one sentence he said what I have always wanted to hear from a football player wearing the light blue. Disappointment like that can only come from an initial gushing of pride. That’s what athletics at UNC should be about, pride in the state, pride in the school. That’s what I always truly believed John Bunting had, and what he tried to preach to his players. I think that Butch Davis understands this, and instills it. Cam said one more thing. (again, paraphrasing)


“Im gonna lock myself into the football center and am gonna do everything I can to prepare for B.C. because this is not gonna happen again.”


At the time I was skeptical, but I still loved to hear that. Fast forward from that sullen, dark car a week later to a rain-soaked Kenan stadium. UNC is trailing BC 10-0 after a long initial drive and a recovered fumble that went for a drive. The mood in Kenan is less than cheery. Before our eyes we are seeing another game blown to turnovers. Sexton comes back out and gets under center. Our offense has run two plays and we find ourselves in a 10-0 hole already. On the next drive I watch Cam do the smartest thing, repeatedly, that he could have done; he threw the ball away. Just like he did against Miami, he did the smart thing. That’s a product of coaching and player preparation. If you want the antithesis of smart Sexton just try to remember Joe Dailey, or freshman Sexton for that matter.


I liked the offensive play call the whole game, short out routes to take advantage of the incredibly good BC front seven. I also liked how they seemed to want to establish Brooks Foster early, which led to Nicks getting open and then getting 4 TDs. The regular defense was great the whole game. I say regular because I’m trying to separate UNC’s normal D schemes from the prevent defense that has now become a bad joke. Seriously, when BC tied the game near the end of the 2nd quarter, solely because UNC went to their prevent, it was the quietest Kenan has been all year. The prevent D is not working, and if Davis and Withers don’t seriously tweak it or just throw it out all together it will be a really bad mistake, one that could kill more UNC games down the road. But, again, Carolina’s normal D for almost the entire game was very, very good. We seemed to stop the run for the most part, and we waited and capitalized off of Chris Crane’s mistakes. It’s a trend we have seen from this UNC defense all year, they capitalize off of mistakes. Whether or not they make you make mistakes I think it’s hard to tell, but regardless, every offensive coordinator in the ACC needs to realize that his QB cannot afford to make mistakes against UNC, and that’s a pretty damn good reputation to have.


Let the record show that Cam Sexton might have the biggest heart of any UNC football player in recent memory. Time and time again he realizes his mistakes, he works hard to fix them, and he succeeds. He put the UVa loss on his shoulders, the next week he lit up BC. He’s by no means a perfect QB, at all. There is probably no doubt that T.J. Yates has more of what people look for in an ‘ideal’ QB. When we all heard that UNC would be without Yates for 6 weeks, we all looked at maybe we’ll get to the bye week with 2 more wins and be able to squeak out a 6-6 record. UNC went 4-1 through that period. Sexton’s heart is a big reason UNC is now bowl eligible, ranked and respected again.

How do you define a Rivalry?

I was watching the UNC-UVa game Saturday and I saw the obligatory “South’s Oldest rivalry” tag. I’m not sure how UVa fans feel about this tag, but as a Tar Heel fan/alum/someone who has lived in NC his whole life this seems a little confusing to me. Sure UNC and UVa have played each other for a very long time, ok but how does that make it a rivalry? I have virtually no feelings for UVa one way or the other, how can we be “rivals” then?


The word ‘rivalry’ is thrown around so much these days it really is rather sickening. It seems ‘rivalry’ is used by TV execs and producers as a tag line to draw instant ratings. ESPN and others will tout almost anything as a rivalry because it gets ratings. ‘Joe the Plummer’ who lives in Idaho does not care about MAC football, but when Dan Patrick says “What a heated rivalry Toledo vs. Central Michigan this has become’ I guess he gets drawn in.


I turned to my buddy I was watching the game with and asked him about this. He said “I guess it depends on how you define ‘Rival’. To those of us who have lived and breathed the most intense basketball rivalry on the planet, the slander of this sacred word is just sad. But who am I to say that one rivalry is better than another? I don’t live in Washington state, I have no emotional ties to the Apple Cup. So lets categorize! I will give examples, but most will come from the ACC, just because that’s what I know. (note: this applies mostly to college sports, but can probably be extrapolated to professional as well.)


It seems that there exist 5 “Levels” of rivalries:


Level 1: The most intense of all. These rivalries are born out of mutual hatred, for the opposing team, coaches, fan bases, ect. It goes both ways. Fans of school A loathes school B just as much as fans of school B hate school A. Some other ingredients that qualify a rivalry as Level 1 are historical significance, national significance, location, ect, ect. These rivalries don’t need advertising for, they don’t need reminding about. They are the single most important game of the season (barring possible national championship game involvement).


Examples: Duke- UNC, OSU – Michigan, Auburn – Alabama, Texas- Oklahoma


Level 2: This is the downgraded version of level 1. These may once have been Level 1 rivalries but have just gotten stale, old or just not competitive anymore. There’s usually a lot of history in Level 2 rivalries, but nothing to write home about in the last 10 years. These can usually be identified by fans of school A obsessing about their hatred of school B, while fans of school B simply view school A as something that just no longer matter. School A has more important things to worry about, like championships. There is nothing worse as a sports fan when you realize that your main rival don’t consider you their’s. If N.C. State beats Carolina, they party the night away. If UNC beats State, it was expected and it’s just another day. This of course becomes a vicious cycle until school A can consistently be competitive with school B. Another huge difference between Level 1 and Level 2’s is there usually exists a bigger rivalry for one of the schools involved. Beating Michigan State will never mean as much to Michigan fans than beating Ohio State. Simple as that. Textbook examples of this can be found between flagship state universities and their land-grant counterparts.


Examples: Michigan – MSU, UNC- NCSU, TX – TX A&M.


Level 3: Levels 1 and 2 can be considered really legit rivalries. Level 3 is where we begin to see some grey areas. Level 3’s simply lack the historical significance to be considered a 1 or a 2. There is nothing more important to a rivalry than memories that elicit the fury of the opposing fan base. Every time I see the constant replays of Christian Laettner hit that shot against Kentucky I also see him in my mind eye stomping on Kentucky’s Aminu Timberlake, and my blood fucking boils. Just like whenever some 60 year old Duke fan see’s Larry Brown he remembers the fight with Art Heyman. These kinds of memories don’t really exist in Level 3’s. So why are they rivalries? Because in the last 3-4 years these two teams have been 1 and 2 in their conference, or whatever. It’s a big game for that year or season, but it by no means is a huge rivalry. These can develop into Level 2’s or even 1’s, but these also can calm down into just another conference game after a couple of seasons.


Examples: Maryland – Duke (borderline Level 2), Florida – Kentucky (in basketball)


Level 4: These are those games that announcers have to constantly remind you are rivalry games. They can have a great deal of history, but not really historical significance. This seems to be the best place to put games like UVa- UNC (touted as ‘The South’s Oldest Rivalry’). Really? Every time you watch UNC play UVa there is always that graphic that displays how long the two schools have been playing each other. Does that qualify it as a rivalry? No. As a UNC diehard I have no I’ll feelings toward UVa at all, in fact I probably respect them more than any other ACC institution. Can rivalries (for fan bases) come out of respect? I guess Level 4’s can. Level 4’s usually are rivalries only because someone decided one day to call it one. They will have some stupid ass name/ tagline that comes with it (again, to get ratings). Names of rivalries can either be cool and born from legitimacy (Clean, Old Fashion Hate and The Backyard Brawl) or can be obviously decided by some committee somewhere trying to attract attention (‘The Textile Bowl’ or ‘The Legends Game’). Level 4’s also can have some bullshit ‘Rivalry Trophy’ that can either be legit and cool (like the Little Brown Jug) or can be fabricated and corny (like the Ireland Trophy).


Examples: UVa – UNC, Boston College – Notre Dame, Notre Dame – Stanford, Clemson – N.C. State.


Level 5 – This is the pinnacle of the networks reaching for material. Every once in a while schedule-makers will have the flagship universities of two bordering states who have barely any connection with each other play one another and tout it as “The Border War”. I really don’t think anything can attract indifferent fans better than this. North Carolina-South Carolina may seem like an obviously huge rivalry if you live in Arizona, and with Lee Corso telling you it is, then your definitely gonna watch it! C’mon, let’s see who the “Real” Carolina is! Give me a break. In truth, if UNC-SCAR can evolve into maybe like a level 4 then I think it would be pretty cool. But I really could care less about South Carolina; they are mediocre at best at everything they do. The only reason UNC fans have to dislike SCAR is Spurrier, but what fan base couldn’t say that? It’s also funny how Level 1 rivalries in football can turn into level 5’s in basketball, and vice versa. Just watch a UNC- Duke football game, or an Ohio State –Michigan basketball game and you’ll see what I’m talking about. ESPN will show it because its Ohio-State and Michigan, but there really is probably a better way to spend your Tuesday night.


Examples: UNC – SCAR, South Florida – Miami (Fl) – FIU – FAU. Virginia – West Virginia.

Week 8: UNC @ UVa

As a fan base, we Tar Heels are used to success. I’m not trying to sound arrogant. But we are. We have a legendary basketball program, a football program that was once (and hopefully, will be again) very good, a baseball team that recently has had a lot of success, a women’s soccer dynasty, and non revenue sports that can be bragged about (lacrosse, field hockey, men’s soccer, ect). We have generated some of the best athletes in the world, blah blah blah…we all know who we are and what UNC is. So it is very rare that we find a fact illustrating Tar Heel futility in athletics. I think I saw “UNC: Last win at UVa in 1981” across ESPN’s bottom line about 392 times during the week. It annoyed me just as much as I’m sure it did you. We just aren’t used to that sort of thing as a fan base. We hold one of the most hilarious streaks in all of our sports with our undefeated record against Clemson in Chapel Hill.


But in all honesty, who cares? UVa is not a rival in the eyes of UNC fans. The streak of UNC football losses in Charlottesville is upsetting and a bit surprising but we all know that things like that don’t matter to the coaches or the players. Its one of those things that’s kept in the minds of fans every other year and is used by media members to add spice to what was thought to be an otherwise lame match up.


We all obviously know what the outcome was by now. ‘Hoos win 16-13 in OT. It was a bitter loss that will stay in our minds until the next win. Virginia was a team we should have beaten, with or without Brandon Tate. We got bounced out of the Top 25 and we find ourselves really fighting to stay afloat in the Coastal race. That is why it is bitter, that’s why it stings. It has nothing to do with streaks or ghosts or myths or anything made up like that.
Now, why did we lose?


1) Turnovers. Two Cam Sexton INTs and a very costly Nicks fumble in UVa territory. UNC has been winning close games by winning the turnover margin. We are (-5) in turnover margin in our 2 losses. The score might have been out of reach if we are able to turn those drives into points. UNC dominated Time of Possession and total yards gained but this was just negated by the ‘great equalizer’ of football.


2) Winded Defense. This is always a product of turnovers. UNC had two drives of more than 5 plays in the second half, with the first two being drives ending on turnovers, the terrible INT by Sexton to a D lineman and the Nicks fumble. The Defense played their hearts out and they stopped UVa’s ground oriented offense to only 58 yards rushing. UNC did exactly what they wanted to do for 58 minutes of the game, they had only yielded one FG and it probably would have been a shutout had the D been given some rest in the 2nd half and halfway decent field position to start with. And then…


3) The Prevent Defense. We had stopped UVa all freaking day. I’m not sure if the D was that tired since we had just had a nice 7 minute, 14 play drive. But we inexplicably changed out scheme from one that had worked all day went into the prevent defense. Look, it’s been said everywhere but I’ll echo it, THE PREVENT IS NOT WORKING. UNC was able to “force” turnovers on the last plays of the Miami and ND games to preserve wins. But both those games ended with the opponent driving on UNC’s prevent with relative ease. That’s exactly what UVa did and they scored to tie the game. Granted, the Heels were gambling that UVa QB Mark Verica was going to make a mistake, not a horrible decision considering he was third string 4 weeks ago, but it might have helped to bring some pressure. Also, some of it was on the players, the safeties were admittedly late getting to balls that could have/should have been knocked down. This could have been due to the fact that they were tired, but that really is just speculation.


4) Offensive adjustments. After the first UNC drive UVa made really nice adjustments to stop the UNC offense. Keep in mind, UVa might have one of the best LB corps in the ACC. So don’t sell them short. But UNC did not seem to really be able to readjust to UVa’s adjustments. This was chess-match football game, and John Shoop did not win. That said, the last UNC drive in regulation was very nice and would have scored a TD had it not been for a holding penalty. The play calling was already strained with the adjustment of losing Tate and the Sexton turnovers did not help anything. But I’m worried that UNC’s sans-Tate offensive philosophy will be a case of the coaching staff out-thinking themselves. We are still a very talented offense, even without Tate. I realize that Butch Davis and John Shoop know more about football than anyone who owns a blog so I have faith that this will be corrected.


NOT reasons UNC lost:


1) Kneeling with 0:47 seconds left. With the way Sexton was making mistakes (on the road) you CAN NOT risk any turnover when starting on your 30 in a tie ball game. You just can’t. Yes we had a timeout left, but what in the previous 59:13 seconds of that game made you think we were capable of driving 55 yards in 47 seconds? If Carolina keeps UVa out of the end zone in OT, then the Tar Heels win a contest of FGs. No doubt about it. We had blocked two UVa kicks already and their kicker had never played a game before that one. It was a smart move to take it into overtime. It was the best move.


2) Tate’s injury. We had to and still have to adjust to the loss of Brandon Tate. No doubt. But we have enough depth and talent at WR to do this. The rushing of Draughn and Houston was really a bright spot Saturday and I hope it continues. A football team is not one player. None of UNC’s 5 wins this year was solely due to Brandon Tate.


So where do the Tar Heels go from here? We have to regroup, again. UNC must find a way to move the ball again. Our defense is still good enough to keep us in every game. It’s as simple as that. Nothing is over for UNC this year, we are still 1 win away from a bowl game, but honestly, everyone wants more out of this season than that.


A lot of people seem to be ready to hit the panic button now. Just like after McNeese State, and just like after Va. Tech. We are going to have to learn to be patient as a fan base. Progress is obviously coming, but it will take time. The UVa loss was a bitter reminder that we still have a ways to go to reach the success we all want. Certain obstacles remain to be tackled, the Charlottesville streak just another. The UNC fan base isn’t used to having to wait, Roy William’s rebuilding process was well under way before he even got to Chapel Hill. Not the case for Butch. Rome wasn’t built in a day; neither will be this football program. Chin up Heels, we all know bright days lie ahead.

Week 7: UNC VS. Notre Dame

This might have been one of the most fun days I’ve had since graduation. All of the college friends came back to Chapel Hill to party and basically, act like it was last year all over again. I hope with my whole heart that we will all continue to get together and have fun more in the coming years. Unfortunately, the time we spend with each other reliving college life even for just a weekend will most likely decrease as a function of the time passed since we turned those dreaded tassels. Yes, that rainy day in Kenan stadium was the beginning of what people call “life.” Sure we may delay this nightmare further by enrolling in grad school, but the dream world known as college life in Chapel Hill officially ended on that sad, sad day. Every day that passes by since then we realize this more and more, and sadly, every day that passes by since then we become more and more incapable of reliving it. As we grow up, get jobs, get married, have kids and all the rest we will always remember what a great time we had in this beautiful town attending this incredible university, but we must and we will move on and change. Our perceptions of life and of the world will change but this great place will always remain in our hearts.


But because all of those scary words like “marriage” and “kids” still are rather far away (god I hope) we can still get together on days like that Saturday and drink a completely irresponsible amount. The day started with Kegs and Eggs and all the debauchery that comes with gamedays in Chapel Hill was written down by my good friend Sam Rosenthal (an actually competent writer, unlike myself) can be found here.


Notre Dame. What does that name mean to you? What images get conjured up when those two obscure words are said together? For me, honestly, Notre Dame could be a synonym for “media overhype”. Yes, there is no word in the English language to accurately describe the football tradition in South Bend and what that program has meant to college football. But I was born in 1986. After I turned 3 Notre Dame has done about zilch. Unfortunately, college football is absolutely the worst sport in actually determining which team is good and which team is not. Part of the problem is the BCS, part of the problem is that its impossible for teams to have balanced schedules. Part of the problem is that people make polls before anyone has even played a game. Names of teams can mean more than the team itself, and Notre Dame is without a doubt the shining example of that. So Notre Dame will always get preseason votes they sometimes don’t deserve. Couple that with the fact that Notre Dame gets away with not being in a conference which means they can schedule whoever the hell they want to and because their national following is so large (linked to religion and heritage) as long as they get 6 wins they are instant wants for every bowl wanting to get cash. This is why they have that inexplicable NBC contract. What this means is that Notre Dame notches 6 wins against the service academies, Stanford, Purdue, Michigan State and/or BC and they are tied into the Gator Bowl (which every other school needs about 9 wins for.) Hail, hail to Old Notre Dame? Hail to the money. There’s a reason they wear green. What a joke.


But college football is what it is. A win for UNC over ND means a lot. Again, more for beating the name than beating the actual team. This would have been the case even if ND was 0-5. But they came to Chapel Hill with a 4-1 record and a young but going to be awesome Jimmy Clausen at QB. UNC was gonna be tested no doubt, but we were favored to win. This wasn’t about ND, this was about UNC. That was the feeling in Chapel Hill all week. We were better than they were, we were at home, we were going to prove it to the entire nation on national TV and people would believe it, again because it was Notre Dame. As a Carolina fan suffering through the Bunting years, all I wanted for UNC football was national relevance. I wasn’t an idiot like the State fans who “knew” that they were gonna be perennial national champs like during the Amato days in Raleigh. We were ranked, now it was time to prove it was justified by beating the name of Notre Dame.


Clausen shredded us the entire first half. Some of the big gain catches ND had were really 50-50 balls that UNC corners just didn’t make a play on. We were waiting for a young QB to make a mistake. We went in to halftime down 17-9. A very underreported story this year for UNC has been the quick maturation of freshman kicker Casey Barth. He was keeping us in the game with his leg. The mistake Butch Davis had been waiting for Clausen to make happened in a big way when Quan Sturdivant (the best LB I’ve seen in a UNC uniform in a very long time) took back a pick for a TD. Bedlam in Kenan. UNC’s D stopped the Irish except for 1 more TD and Draughn and Houston had big games. Sexton gave UNC the lead with a nice awkward looking scramble. The final UNC series should have closed out the game, but the refs incredibly called Brooks Foster’s catch incomplete giving ND one more chance. ND drove on UNC’s ever lacking prevent D but ended in a fumble. Heel’s win the one of the most important games in a long time.


Oh yeah, one more thing…Tate got hurt. ACL and MCL. Done for the year. Without question our biggest playmaker. Injuries happen in football, it’s just frustrating for him as a person and for our team. Having to deal with two injuries to maybe you two biggest players just sucks. Just really, really sucks. But still, we beat Notre Dame. Things are changing here in Chapel Hill, and now people know it, not just the faithful. Some perceptions of the world of college football will never change, like the one people have for Notre Dame. Some can change though, and hopefully the perception of what football is in Chapel Hill is beginning to.

Week 6: Ryan Visits Gobbler Country

UNC was playing at home against a 24th ranked UCONN team that I thought was really, really overrated and I felt really confident about them. I figured that sure they had the nations leading rusher, (a title actually backed by yds/carry not just total yards) but I figured with their QB out we could hold em and I like our offense right now. I also found it pretty difficult to find a ticket to the game, combine that with my Marie telling me that she had an extra ticket to the Va. Tech – WKU game. That meant road trip. I had always wanted to see a game at Lane Stadium, and now I had a ticket, a place to stay and friends to party with. You can’t not go when those three things come together, even when gas is $4.00 a gallon.



I drove up the Blue Ridge parkway, leaves just beginning to turn. I really hope UNC plays at VT somewhere in mid-october so I can make this drive when its REALLY pretty. Blacksburg seems like a pretty nice place. Its really a small town in a beautiful mountain setting. The people seem pretty nice in general and the bar scene is pretty awesome if you like sports bars. Unfortunately, in Chapel Hill, the sports bar scene has been lacking lately. Seven years ago it was great, but with rent skyrocketing on Franklin Street it’s hard for a lot to survive. After BW3’s closed there is only Woody’s/Four Corners and Ham’s left. But in Blacksburg it seemed like every bar was a sports bar, decked out I Va. Tech memorabilia, this is a college town, this is the way it’s supposed to be. A bar called ‘TOTS’ serves a drink called “The Rail”, if your familiar with “The Holy Grail” at Players in Chapel Hill, then imagine pouring that into a cup twice as big and filling it up with vodka and tequila. And that’s all I really remember about Friday night. Blacksburg….if you have the means…I highly suggest you go.

Wake up, 9:30 am. Start a mini-kegs and eggs in front of college gameday. Drive to the tailgate. I have no idea where we are. We are in some cow pasture it seems, where the hell is the stadium? I’m hungover. Someone points out the lights for me. “Oh.” I look dumb, everyone staring at me. I pop another beer. After 4 of us ripping through a 18 pack we go to the real tailgate. It everything you want it to be. See Lane Stadium isn’t really near the campus (I guess). What I mean is that its one of those football stadiums that is surrounded by parking lots, so tailgating can be massive. Drunk now, more drinking. Huh? Your giving me this airplane bottle? Ok…Wild Turkey? Guess that makes sense. Thanks! Whats on the grill? A what? A Lamb? A whole fucking lamb? Sweeeeeet. Drunk, full, walking to the stadium.

Eventually get to the seats. Jesus this place is big. Enter Sandman. Students jumping up and down. I shouldn’t jump, I’ll fall. I will anyway…..almost fall. After settling down and getting ready to watch Tyrod Taylor dismantle hapless Western Kentucky. I realize that I feel actually obligated to root for Va. Tech. This conflicts me. I don’t hate Va. Tech. I really don’t have a ton of feeling for them either way. And that is one of the reasons I think expansion has hurt the league. I’m not familiar enough with VT or BC to really have any dislike for them. I mean, I hate some of their former players, they have a very thuggish rep. The Vicks, DeAngelo Hall, ect, ect. In three years does anyone NOT expect to see “Tyrod Taylor arrested in Roanoke, Va. for attempted robbery” scroll across the bottom line during Sportscenter? Exactly. Tough to root for that. I look at the dude sitting in front of me. He had a t-shirt on of a quote berating UVa. football. This made me laugh. What unbelievable bitterness toward UVa that surrounded every Hokie fan. Guess who this reminded me of? The UNC/N.C. State and UVa/VT comparison really is spot on. I find it hilarious how bitter and resentful the land-grant universities are toward the ACTUAL universities of their state. You see it everywhere, MICH-MSU, UNC-State, Texas – TX A&M. Hatred born out of that ever persistent feeling of inferiority.

Anyway, the game itself was mediocre. Va. Tech obviously didn’t really show up to play, and I still think they are overrated. And….every time I think that I think about how we should have beaten them. Although, I must say just as we were seemingly unlucky to lose to VT, we were equally lucky to beat Miami. Maybe luck isn’t a goo word, Karma is better. ‘Karma’ is a good thing to believe in when it comes to sports. There are enough things in the world of sports that can’t be explained, except by Karma. Karma basically means that everything is gonna even out to the law of averages. The Miami and VT games evened each other out as far as out record is concerned. Karma is a bitch. That’s one of the golden rules of sports. Karma is a bitch.

After going through the motions of ‘cheering’ for VT and watching an all together ugly football game, I found myself a couple hours later in downtown Blacksburg watching the Heels. I don’t exactly remember what I saw. But I think it went something like this.

C’mon boys, c’mon!.....Hold ‘em D, c’mon….Ok we held em to 3…..yeah, ill have another Coors Light….pick!....good drive…alright we’ll take 3…good stop…Ryan Houston!!! TD!!! HELL YEAH…(getting weird looks from Hokie fans)....yeah, ill have another Coors light …BLOCKED PUNT!, damn it still went far, how the hell did that happen …..ANOTHER BLOCKED PUNT!!!.....HELL YEAH…Mam? COORS LIGHT!....Blocked again TD!!!!...and I watched the score balloon and balloon not being able to recognize who this UNC team was, and where they came from. I remember not knowing what the hell the delay was about (the sound wasn’t on). And I remember seeing the crowd to the wave. I remember UNC winning. I toasted my fellow UNC alums and we drank and partied the night away. Just a few happy Heels in Hokieville. I finished off the night by throwing up all over myself at a Karaoke bar called Gobbler’s. Classy.

The next morning I was driving home. A huge smile on my face appeared when I looked over the cliff while on the Blue Ridge Parkway. I was looking over my home state. I was looking over North Carolina. I was coming home to Chapel Hill. And for the first time since I have religiously followed UNC football, we were ranked. Home sweet home.

Week 5: UNC at Miami

Ever have an ex-girlfriend who you remember as being just awful in general? Especially when you have found a really good fit for you right now, you look back on that ex and compare the two, and the ex seems like just an unbelievable waste of time. Something you could NEVER go back to. Ever. When your so hopelessly obsessed with sports like I am you can look at a lot of things about your teams in this way. Your coach, your PG, your QB, your goalie. Whatever. Imagine going back to Doherty after Roy. How many of you just threw up in your mouths a little bit? That’s what I’m talking about. When Q went in for Ty we were all dejected. Just like going on date with your ex after getting being with someone who fits. This was what we were all feeling about Cam. We all did. We thought it might be ok to date two girls just to see which one…performs…better. Why not? Your not totally committed to either one. Just see what works in trying to fill the gap.
When Cam took that first snap from center we all started having foam-from-mouth-inducing flashbacks of scrambles going nowhere and interceptions galore. Just like when we saw Q running last years game against Chapel Hill we all held our breath that he wouldn’t dribble it off his foot. Your sitting there at the table, looking across at your ex, thoroughly unexcited. “How did I get here?” you think over and over again. You start talking about how they’ve been, what they’ve been doing, ect. And it feels awkward, it is awkward. Cam’s first series was a little shaky. Then you somehow become interested. You realize that they have matured, they’ve changed, you weren’t right for each other at first, at all. But no, things seem like they might be a little different. They seem poised, confident. 180-degree change from what you remembered. They talk and you talk back, and then your both laughing again. This might not be so bad. BOOM! Cam throws a 74-yard pass to Hakeem Nicks!!! OMG! its better than you EVER remembered it, it just took time. Your starting to get excited now. Maybe this is gonna be ok after all.
The running game seems to be coming along now. Thank You God. Shaun Draughn and Ryan Houston look very capable. Ronnie McGill they aren’t, but they aren’t bad either. I wonder what will happen to Little if things keep up this way. The D is also stating to look pretty good too. If this injury to Yates results in our D and our running game improving, then I’d be just fine with that. When one side of the equation gets a little light, the other side must compensate to maintain equilibrium, Le Chatelier's principle.
You look back across the table at your ex again. Things seem pretty good. It isn’t gonna be the pit of despair you thought it would be after all. It’s not amazing, it’s not bad though. Then they say something or do something that really makes you smile. Cam scrambles out of the pocket…..sees someone….throws….looks high…..BROOKS FOSTER!!!!!!!!!!.......TOUCHDOWWWWWNNNNN!!!!!! You're blown away. You are absolutely blown away. Maybe this was gonna be a lot better that you ever would have thought.

By the way….Trimane Goddard you are a freaking baller. Freaking baller son. Baller.
UNC stole one from the Hurricanes. These two will be the future of this league. Can’t wait.

Week 4: VT at UNC

Written on 9/29/08

It’s taken me a long time to get to writing about this game. And it’s probably a good thing. If I’d have written this the Sunday after, id probably have been getting random calls or texts from guys just making sure I haven’t downed a whole bottle of Vicoden and chased it with a fifth of vodka. I’m writing this almost two weeks after, and 4 days after UNC’s incredible win at Miami, which obviously has me much, much more optimistic than I was for the 6 days after that collapse in Kenan. I had labeled this game ‘the most important Carolina football game in 11 years’. And it was, then. Not sense FSU came in to Chapel Hill had a game meant more. I had prepared well. With NC BBQ and about 15 Miller Lights sitting well in my stomach, I headed to Kenan for what I was prepared to be a hard, mentally taxing game, but a winnable game.
Fast forward about 2 hours, about 8 minutes left to go in the 3rd quarter. UNC up 10-3, with ball, VT 45 yard line. We were playing pretty well. VT’s offense was awful, but our D helped that. We had prepared for Tyrod Taylor well. I’m sitting on the edge of the student section, in between the students and the alumni. Everyone is loud, everyone is feeling it. I’m nervous because we should be up by much more than we are. This game should be out of reach.
Ok, regroup. Open 2nd airplane bottle of Jack…pour into coke…..sip…deep breath. Ok, so we’ve blown a 14 point lead. But our offense has looked pretty good…minus Little greg. Driving, ok not bad. In FG range. Just run the ball Shoop…ok…or pass…why is TJ dropping back so much….oh no…sacked. Damn it! Outta FG range. And then I saw it….the single most gut wrenching site a sports fan can feel. Remember watching Ty Lawson get thrown to the floor at FSU last year? Remember watching him lie on the ground, not get up, then seeing the team doctor and Roy walk over? Remember ESPN’s endless replays? Remember that feeling?
Oh….my….god….no….please…no. In a split second every Tar Heel fan felt just like that all over again. T.J. wasn’t lying on the turf that long, he got up, and (stupidly) ran another play. But that’s when the limp came. That’s when I stood, watching him limp off, paralyzed with fear. Next play, “Just don’t do anything stupid Paulus.” Run play, to Little, looks like he has…some room….LOTS OF ROOM…..TOUCHDOWN CAROLINA…50 YARDS!!!!! 17-3 UNC
Nice! Feelin’ good. But still lots of time to play. Next thing I know VT has driven down the field helped by an AWEFULL unsportsmanlike penalty and a HORRIBLE pass interference call. Frank Beamer ladies and gentlemen. Is he the Coach K of football? TD VT. 17-10 UNC. We are still in pretty good shape. As long as we don’t do anything stupid, that’s how VT gets you. Just run the ball, we’ll be fine. Good, Shoop listened to me...it’s a run….GOD FUCKING DAMNIT GREG LITTLE. VT recovers one of the most crippling fumbles I have ever witnessed. My god, just terrible. That was the 2nd time Little fumbled at our own 30. We are outplaying VT in every way, we are THE BETTER TEAM, and we are pissing it away. TD VT, 17-17. Fuck. mid-4th quarter.
We know what happened then. UNC’s tired D, gets undisciplined, VT FG. 20-17 VT. Mike Paulus...CHECK DOWN DAMMIT…NOOOOO…interception Macho Harris. VT ball. Why? Just Why? UNC got the ball back, but again…INT. Ball game VT 20 UNC 17. We should have had it. I walked home dejected just hoping T.J. was gonna be ok. Couldn’t bring myself to think what a travesty it would be to put this team, all this potential, in the hands of an incapable freshman named Paulus (how’d that work out for Duke?) or in the hands of someone who previously reminded me of a drunk, color-blind Jake Plummer.
The following monday the news hit me about T.J. Cracked ankle, 6 weeks (if we are lucky). I immediately look at the remaining schedule and mentally pencil in the W’s and L’s like every fan does. What was gonna be possibly 9-3, just fell to 6-6, again if we are lucky. Sigh.

Week 3: UNC vs. Rutgers, Trip to Bank of America

Written on 9/19/08

Ok, so its friday and i ahve nothing to do at work, that means its useless writing time!!!!!!!Lets get some thing s outta the way first.

1) I hate the new facebook format, i cant find anything, and to all of you who are like "no man, its so much more streamlined, so much better.".....fuck off. All i know is that i cant find anything.

2) All of you who know me (and thats all of you) know that im way to disillusioned with our political system to give a flying fuck about the political formality that is november's presidential election. But i just think its funny that ever since McCain (sp?) nominated Sarah Palin for VP every bandwagon female democrat in CH (and there are tons of them) has devolved into a 10th grader gossiping about the homecoming queen. Its halarious. Just imagine what it would have been like if this had been Hillary. But again....who really cares. Im still sticking my head in the sand that is football.

Now on to last weeks gridiron events. UNC looked pretty damn good against Rutgers. The D was bend not break and ill take it. Its still way too early to really determine anything bc we done know how good Rutgers really is, but 44-12 is still great. Saturday i did nothing except watch Gt blow the game to VT and watch Oregon almost do the smae thing. Then saw OSU suprise absolutely noone as they bent over for three hours while USC had their way with them. (im going to abstaine from making a reference about any girls here) USC was the Sean to OSU's Nisreeen.....errrrrrrr......i mean the Zach to their Jess.......errrrrrr.......i mean the Matt L. to their drunk unsuspecting whore.......yeah thatll work. Anyway, i wok up at 7 am sunday and started heading to Charoltte for the game with my buddy Pat and some of his freinds from Chicago. Ok, first things first, it wa a great game and the panthers came back and won for the 2nd straight game. This team might be better then people thought. Now i cant give much of an analysis of what actually happened football wise bc a) i was hammered b) i was sitting in the fucking straosphere so i couldnt really see anything. Now on too the tailgating scene. Ok, i really like the panthers and i also really like the bears. But let me tell you something. After going there to the stadium and seeing both fan bases as represented by that game, i really LOVE bears fans and i really HATE panthers fans. Bears fans were fucking awesome to tailgate with. We roll up at like 10:00 (3 hrs b4 the game) and we park in what could have been called Little Chicago (keep in mind, this is IN CHARLOTTE).

The bears are one of those historically proud franchise with a huge national following, so i expected a ton. But i didnt expect to see Orange and dark blue dominating the place. My favorite thing was this one dude who had like a whole resteraunt going basically out of his truck (the works as far as tailgating goes) and he had this flag pole with the flags (going down from the top) of: USA, State of Illinios, City of Chicago, Chicago Bears, Beer mug. Hilarious. Bears fans were routy, knowledgeable, nice, proud, into it win or lose. Pathers fans on the other hand seemed to be a mix of Yuppie North charlotte bandwagoners looking for something to do on a sunday and straight trailer trash mullet wearing deuchbags with sub-80 IQs. I know that sounds harsh, but c'mon we were THAT close to South Carolina.
Both seemed to know so little about football and the panthers that talking to alot of them was just embarrasing. The ratio of the panthers to bears fans at the game (again, IN CHARLOTTE) was probably about 3:2. No joke, thats fucking terrible for your home feild. No wonder the panthers are so subpar at home. Ok, last week i was at Autzen, how fucking loud that place was was how fucking quiet BoA was. Pin drop quiet. Sad. So that was dissapointing. The girls were decently hot though. They ranged from your treyburn esque trophy wives (again, yuppie north charlotters that can actually aford season tickets) to your SC dumpster slut variety (pull your see-through white pants up babe, noone wants to see your thong, your 40.)
All in all i had a great time, ate way too much, got way to drunk and saw some pretty hot girls, but im gonna try to stick with college from now on, or at least steer clear of paying $90 bucks for a panthers ticket, then another 30 on beer. Tomm im gonna watch UNC's biggest game in 11 years when VA Tech comes. Im so nervous, Ill prolly start drinking now..........

Week 2: Utah State at Oregon - Ryan Visits the Zoo

Written on 9/7/08

I love going other places to see a game. Make no mistake, college football would absolutely suck without the traditions, the fans and the school atmosphere. Thats why for me, the NFL will just never compare.I like the NFL, but i love the WORLD of college football. Ive been lucky enough to see some games at some legit places and experience what its like there. Ive seen students throw down in The Lawn at Virginia, Cocky at South Carolina, I've given the Hook 'Em Horns sign at Texas, and ive silently laughed at those idiots at NC State to name a few. Ive also been unfortunate enough to see games at truely awefull venues (see: Wllace Wade Stadium).Previsouly the coolest scene ive seen top to bottom was Texas, just for the sheer size of everything, the stadium, the tailgating areas, Bevo, the tits, the beers, all just huge. That was great. But seeing a Duck game in Eugene was fucking crazy. See, Texas is like alot of spoiled sports schools (including UNC). They are used to being at the top, and so they tend to get lax about nothing games (Texas was playing Arkansas State, a 1-AA).
Oregon is different. They are still kinda new to their success, they havnt gotten used to it yet. Thats why even when they are playing possibly the worst team in D 1-A, that was honestly still the loudest fucking place iv ever been in. Good god. Thats what i had heard about the place but i was thinkin it would be lax because they were playing more or less a high school team. Nope, i couldnt hear my self think. Even when the score balooned up to an over 40 pt lead. Another thing that suprised me was how damn small the place was. Texas' is about 92,000. Most big time programs are around 60,000-80,000 (Kenan is 60 K), Autzen maxes out around 50K. But its SOOOOO close to the feild and compact that it generates just pure noise. Freaking awesome. Ok, so the stadium was awesome, the game was a blowout, now onto the coolest thing: the tailgaiting at Autzen is pretty much put on by the school.
Now Autzen Stadium is right across the river from the campus in Eugene. So it has all the benefits of an off-campus stadium (like NC State, it has huge tailgating areas) without any of the defects (its still within walking distance of the dorms). So, bc its technically off-campus, the school can lawfully throw a huge party and sell as much food and alcohol that they can around the stadium (not in, NCAA rule) and thats exactly what they do. On game days, they open up their indoor practice facilityto the public and have enough beer, food, music and tvs for 100,000 people, good thing, because as i said Autzen only holds 50,000. Needless to say, i was in heaven, here was a school so awesome, that not only are they fine with jerseys that make their football team look like a bunch of yellow highlighters, they actually open up a fucking beer garden right next to the damn stadium. So obviously, i went Brittany and started triple fisting beers, while trying (and failing) to look responsible in front of the mormons who went with me to the game. People were freindly, and the whole experience was just overall awesome. Id definatley go to Autzen if u ever get the chance, and asa a side note the whole pacific northwest is a beutifull place to go in general.
Next week Im gonna watch UNC at Rutgers (why would i ever go see a game at Rutgers?) on Thursday then im headed to Charlotte to see the Bears play the Panthers at Bank of America on Sunday.

Week 1: UNC vs. McNeese State

Written on 9/11/2008

This might be the most excited ive ever been about the start of a football season. Preseason Hype about the 2008 UNC tarheels has been higher then its been since the Mack Brown era and im feeling it. (Im one of those losers who u see on the bus reading a preseason magazine.) The mix of this hype along with excessive boredom during the summer, an increasing apathy for the marathon that is the MLB regular season and my TOTAL apathy about the summer olimpics has made me really looking forward to 8/30/08. The hype is a double edged sword though, and im worried as hell the team will pull a Nisreen-esque style faceplant. If they do, we should prolly be safe for this first game. More than anything really i was looking forward to being in Chapel Hill with that pre-1st game feel in the air. Ah, optimism...that emotion that can fill u with so much joy and hope and when they come true (like the 2004 BoSox, 2005 UNC bball) its the best feeling ever, but when it doesnt (like the 2007, 2008 UNC bball team, every relationship ive ever been in) it sucks. Unfortuanatly, optimism has a really hot older sister named expectation. Expectation keeps tempting you and giving hints when her sis isnt around. And as a sports fan u keep thinking to yourself, Why not? im already banging her sister and thats pretty nice, why not upgrade to expectation? You have to have alot of confidence to try to nail expectation while your also seeing optimism. The thing is you also have to be relatively new to the sports scene to try to screw expectation, cause u usually get your heartbroken and u ruin optimism too, that poor girl. Once u fuck expectation, she invariably fucks you, by sleeping with Georgetown while your team fails to score a goddamn point in overtime. But optimism is a safe, healthy relationship that can turn out great or not so great, like any season, but never bitter like that slut expectation. (BTW: Lots of us are fucking the hell out of expectation with regard to this years bball team, just a warning.)
So anyway, it was good to see Chapel Hill bustling again after a pretty dead summer. The sun was shining and i was drinking with Christina at Four Corners before the game, soaking in as much football action as possible. I would recommend any out-a-towner to pregame a little at 4 corners, just a good college sports bar. As we walked to Ken's to pick up a 24 pack to bring to a tailgate party on south columbia street, and then onto the party, i noticed something i really hadnt before. Poeple tailgate here folks. UNC gets a bad wrap for not tailgating and really just not caring aboutfootball in general. But this is false, at least not while optimism is still holding our hand. The problam at UNC is that there is no condenced section or parking lot where people can. Youll never see the seeminly endless RV'S, grill's and stuff u see in the SEC and such becasue there is just nowhere to do it. But walking by alot of the scattered parking lots down pittsboro street made me feel really good about the state of football in the minds of UNC fans.
I felt even better abouit this when i actually got into the stadium. It was a 6 pm game, which are always the best. Poeple where there, like even the none student sections were full, people were wearing blue, and people were actually loud, really loud which was so refreshing. So for about a quarter and a half of football i was in my element, with freinds, hammered and MY team was winning. Then the rains came, then the lighting. And that was that. which really fucking blew. I mean, the atmosphere in Kenan was like none ive EVER seen there. Including the 2004 Miami game. It was awesome, we were starting to hit our stride offensively and everone felt like i was gonna be a nice 42-7 final score. Instead, it rained on our parade and i was stuck, at Lindas with some people constanly checking the game score updates on my Cell Phone (i was REALLY drunk at this point, so i kept forgetting the last time i checked the score.)
I cant really give an assesment on the way the team played, because i didnt see 3/4 of the game, but i can tell you this; it seemed like the lighting delay stalled everything , including alot of people's good feeling about the season outlook. Having to rally to beat McNeese State is never a good thing. And im worried that if we dont play well against Rutgers and then lose to Va. Tech people are gonna give up and have that UNC attitude toward football where its just a passtime till bball. Overall the experience was great, i just really hope i see it again this season, really. Optimism and i right now are on a bit of a break, she saw that i had had a missed call from Expectation, who ive just completely stopped talking to.

Zach and Ryan Saga: Part 1

(Enter Zach and Ryan, Zach driving his car, Ryan in the passenger seat.)

Zach: “Has she called you back yet?”
Ryan (nervously annoyed by the question, but playing it off like he isn’t): “No, man, she hasn’t.”
(They pull up to the stoplight on East Franklin and Estes, somehow always red.)
Zach: (looks at Ryan, smiles jokingly): “Well, shit.”Ryan: “it’s cool, she will when she will.”
(Zach looks at Ryan again, they make eye contact, sort of smile at each other. The message was across. They had reached a point in their friendship where this type of communication was possible, no words, no bodily gestures, sometimes not even the slightest a smile, just eye contact. Whole conversations were made this way. The essence of a truly perfect wingman. Neither of them thought this to be gay.)
Zach:(accelerating at the green light) “Don’t”
Ryan: ”Im not, its cool”
Zach: “Dude, I’m serious, don’t.”
Ryan: “Man, I know, I’m not, its fine. It’s gonna be a great night.”
Zach (wanting to change the nervous/disappointment mood into a more acceptable going-out mood): “Hell yeah! WHEWW!”
(It was Saturday night in Chapel Hill.)

(They get to Ryan’s apt and walked in.)
Zach: “What should we have?”
Ryan: “Hmm, not sure. What time is it?”
Zach: “about 10.”
Ryan:” Hmm, then we have a fair amount of time.”
Zach: “Yes, indeed.”
(Enter Ryan’s roommate, Bob)
Bob: “Hey guys”
(Zach and Ryan in unison): “’Sup?”
Bob: “Y’all goin out tonight?”
Ryan: (cautiously, looking away) “…Yeah, should be a good time.”
Bob: “I havent been out in a while.”
Ryan: (slowly nodding his head, still not making eye contact with Bob) “Hmm..”
(Bob looks at Zach. Zach slowly nods his head and looks down.)
(Bob, oblivious, goes to sit on the couch watches TV.)
(Zach and Ryan look at each other, eye contact, silent laughter.)
Bob: “What y’all pregammin’ with?”
Ryan: “Why that’s an excellent question. The choice of what to pregame with is a complicated one full of many variables.”
(Bob, confused, looks at Ryan. Ryan looks at Zach for agreement, who is nodding his head assuringly.)
Ryan: “Like I said, a variety of things must be considered, such as how much time allows for, what you have to work with, possible TV shows/sports with which to drink to, and, of coarse, how drunk you want to get based on the nights’ prospects.”
Bob: “the nights’ prospects?”
(This confusion was the basic difference between Bob and Ryan; experience.)
Ryan: “Yes, such as what you go into the night hoping to achieve, if your just trying to get hammered with your pals, then start pregaming with 151 till it ‘starts tasting like water’. If your going to a house party or club, then I like to pound a few vodka-red bulls before hand. Your pregaming actions should represent your future ambitions.”
Bob: “So I assume you guys are breaking out the hard stuff.”
Ryan: (looking at Zach) “Nah, just a few beers to start off with, were goin out to bars.”
Bob: “and what criteria of ambition does ‘a few beer’s’ qualify as?”
Ryan: (smiles to himself, then looking at Bob) “Sex.”
(It was Saturday Night in Chapel Hill.)

(Bob, Ryan and Zach all sitting on the couch, drinking, watching whatever’s on before SportsCenter.)
Bob: “So who’s the girl?”
Ryan: (smirking) “I don’t know yet.”
(Zach laughs)
(Bob frowned at this, not with his face, but with his eyes. Sex/hooking up with random strangers, terrible thing. How could one want to do that with someone you don’t know, with someone you’ve barely had a conversation with, with someone’s daughter, how can you have so little respect for yourself, and her? Don’t you want it to mean something, to be special?)
Bob: “Just make sure you use a condom man.”
(At this Ryan looked at Bob through the corner of his eye. He knew exactly what Bob just thought. You idealist ignorant fuck. Keep sitting on the couch waiting for that “Special someone” while I go out and enjoy my youth. I’m 22, I’m gonna live it up, then ill worry about any of that moral bullshit your holding yourself up on.)
Ryan: “Dude, I’m not dumb.”
(Bob doesn’t take his eyes off the TV. Ryan focuses his attention on it too.)
(The irony here is that Ryan, and Zach for that matter, used to more or less believe the same thing that Bob used to. Random sexual experience wasn’t really their thing. Their bodies were sacred, only for those they truly loved. They were both raised to respect women and treat them as they should be. This ideal was something they still more or less strived for, but now only for those whom they thought it was worth. Unfortunately for them, they both fell in love to hard, too fast early on. Which, obviously, got them hurt too hard for people so young. Then it happened again. Rinse, wash, repeat. Couple that with the fact the people they had been dating didn’t really have that same moral stance as far as ‘purity’ goes. Add testosterone and a college campus to this giant mess and the guiding words of your father or mother or priest just don’t seem as relevant anymore. Over time they both became jaded, and their moral stances on things changed to something a bit more practical. Change doesn’t come all of the sudden, but once you wake up that first time, look over, struggle to remember her name, then realize you don’t feel bad about any of it, it’s all downhill from there. This is how all men are assholes, some are just born that way. But others were once good, but ruined by bad girls. Bob had never been hurt yet, so none of this he could ever hope to understand.)
(Ryan chugged his beer and got up to get another one. He checked his cell phone; 1 New Message. From her. He read it. “Headin out round 11:30, text me when you hit Franklin.” He came back to the couch, looked at Zach and waved his cell phone.)
Ryan: “Were on.”
Zach: (Laughing very excitedly) “Cheers”
Ryan: “Cheers.”
(it was Saturday Night in Chapel hill)

Zach: (annoyed): “You ready man?”
Ryan: “Sure just let me finish this last one and watch the end of this highlight.”
(Zach rolls his eyes)
Zach: “Dude, its going to be fine.”
(Ryan turns, looks at Zach, eye contact. After a few seconds of this, Ryan felt better. After a deep calming breath Ryan had one more swig then got up.)
Zach: “Let’s do this.”
Ryan: “WHEW!”

-13 minutes later-

Ryan: “Damn this hill, damn you MLK Jr. Blvd!!!”
Ryan: (Looking up at the hill they just scaled) “Do you think they renamed it MLK because when you walk it you feel like you’ve just been through 300 years of slavery and oppression?”
Zach: “Probably.”
Zach: “So where are we headed?”
Ryan: (just realizing that he didn’t know) “Um, good question. Let me call her…ugh…them.”
(Zach puts his head down and smiles. “What a loser” he thought. Why…how…could he get so nervous over a girl? Its not like its that big of a deal. Sure, she was cool and all, and pretty hot, but seriously? I’ve never seen him so nervous over any girl like this, even ones he said he…He looked back at Ryan, coming in on the end of the shortened cell-phone conversation.)
Ryan: “….yeah…haha…we’ll meet you there.”
Zach: “So what’s the plan?”
Ryan: “Fucking TopO. Hate that damn place.”
Zach: “But they are there?”
Ryan: (looking down) “Yup.”
Zach: “Dude, Why are you this nervous?”
Ryan: “Fuck you.”
Zach: “Seriously, why are you?”
Ryan: “I don’t know”
Zach: “You never get this nervous around girls, it’s not like you. Your Ryan, you don’t care. You care much more about getting as hammered as possible and having a good time with your friends than any girl.”
(Ryan looked at him. He was right, he know he shouldn’t be this nervous.)
Ryan: “Yeah, dude, I know. But I’ve liked her for SO long man. And I’m not all about getting hammered as much anymore. College has ended…well, sort of. Sex is much more fun than being drunk, even if it is with your friends.”
Zach: “Haha, Which one? Sex or getting drunk?”
Ryan: (looking at Zach, smiling) “You tell me.”
Zach: (ignoring Ryan’s last comment) “So is that what this is all about, just sex?”
Ryan: “No man, obviously she’s hot as hell, and physically pretty much my dream girl. But if this were all about sex then I wouldn’t care nearly as much, not nearly. But, like a dumbass, I sorta got emotionally invested, and THAT’S why I’m this nervous. She’s one of the only people that ive grown to like MORE as I got to know her. Its strange man.”
Zach:” Wow, that is weird.”
(For both of them, if they find a girl attractive, it was very rare that they didn’t NEED at least half a fifth in their system to muster enough patience to endure the bullshit small talk required to later hook-up with said hottie.)
Ryan:”People get nervous for a lot of reasons man. I’m nervous because I have a friend, who’s a good friend and a lot of fun to hang out with, so I have something to lose, but I’m also crazy about her, so I want more…sort of.”
Zach: “I thought u didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone.”
Ryan: “I don’t, but she is the only one I would want to be with. It’s weird. Everyone else since I’ve been single, I couldn’t care less. But not her.”
Zach: “And you think she doesn’t know?”
Ryan: “I think she does know, but because I never act like anything is serious to me. Im sure she didn’t think anything of it.”
Zach: “Smooth! Wow man, your really playing this well.”
(At this comment Ryan laughed. The 3rd person perspective of the way he had been acting plus the relaxing powers of the 6-pack he pre-gamed with was beginning to make him calm down into a philosophically optimistic mood.)
Ryan: “All in all it doesn’t matter what happens. She’s so awesome that just knowing that girls like her exist gives me lots of hope for the future.”
(Zach looked at Ryan seriously for the first time all night, a drunken seriousness, but a seriousness all the same. Eye contact, no words. But they both knew what they were saying. It was an act, all this, and they knew it. Going out, having fun, that’s what they did and they loved it. But the ‘player’ aspect, as much as they wanted it to be it just wasn’t them at heart. They were gonna keep doing it a while because it was just easier, and tonight would certainly be no different. But like any two people who were honest with themselves, they knew they were really searching for something more. They would never admit this to anyone through words (and for god’s sake never write about it where people can see!!!), but just through that moment of eye contact they existed as they were brought up to be once again, as they truly were; honest, looking for love.)
(Ryan trips over a fucking brick)
Ryan: “OWW…fucking brick.”
(They had finally made it up the MLK Jr. Blvd hill/trail of tears. They had arrived upon Franklin.)
(They both looked at Franklin, very busy, loud, bustling with 20-something drunk, horny, scantily clad girls and deushbaggish boys. They both grinned, and glanced at eachother, an overwhelming sense of confidence streamed over Ryan and Zach both. The channeling of Tucker Max had begun. Best friends, helping eachother with what was of most importance in their lives. Wingmen. No matter what would happen that night, no matter whether they actually did remember it or not, they would never forget it. And in future days, they would recall these fuzzy memories with a glance and laugh, and the knowledge that they lived it up, and that they were better for it (herpes and all). It was gonna be a great night.)
(It was sAturday niGHT in CHAPEL Hill.)

Running Dialouge Part 2

(Enter Blair, sleeping in bed, with dog laying beside her.)
(Blair awakes, looks at Dog, snears solumnly. Wonders when this dog lying next to her will be replaced by another love. This makes her a little sad, but instantly the cynisism takes over.)
Blair " Dogs are easier to take care of."
(Enter Blair's roomate, Ashley)
Ashley: "Who are you talking too? Odie?"
(Odie looks up from Blair's bed after hearing his name.)
Blair: (Annoyed at having to explain herself to her intelectual subordinate): "Oh no, just thinking about how much easier dogs are to have around than boys."
Ashley: (looking suprised, then understanding) "True, but at least the sex is better."
Blair: (looking at Odie) "I wouldnt be so sure."
(Odie just looks confused)
Ashley: " C'mon Odie, lets go outside."
(Or in Odie: "Blah Blah ODIE, Blah bluh blah bluh blah OUTSIDE" He immediately gets up and follows her.)

(Exit Odie and Ashley)

(Blair lays back in bed. Thinking that she'd really rather have Odie than any guy that she knew. She looks at the clock, decides to get up and goes into the shower. She examines herself in the mirror breifly as she undresses, looks at her hair, not yet made crazy by her fasion sence, instead made crazy by her pillow and her tendency to roll around in bed. Blair get into the shower, the warmth of the water reminds her of a man, of sex, of pleasure, of......Ryan? Her face immediately grimaces.)
Blair: "What the hell?"
(She shrugs off the thought and grabs for the shampoo. She lathers up with soap and then washes it all off. Blair always did get the shampoo in her hair, leave it in as she lathered up, then in what motion jump back into the hot stream of water to rinse it all off. It was like being reborn to her. Rebirth, the perfect way to start the day.)

-------

(Blair is in the kitchen, pouring some cereal and Soy milk.)
Ashley: "What's on your plate today."
Blair: "Not meat."
("Mmmm, meat" she thought to herself. She becomes aroused.)
Ashley: "Haha, of course not meat. Vegans can't have meat!"
Blair: (looking down, chuckling yet disapointed by the double entandra) "Yeah, i know. Seriously thougth, i 'll be at Boris and Natasha's till 6."
Ashley: "Yeah. Im workin till 5,"
(Blair thought this was funny. "Go to art school, work at boutique, still weird people out by my fasion sence.")
Blair: (eating her Vegan cereal) "Thats the way it goes. Gotta start workin on my speach for graduation."
Ashley: "Oh thats right, how goes that."
Blair: "It'll go fine. Anyway, i got to go, ill seeya later. C'mon Odie"
Ashley: "Bye."
(Blair and Odie walk out to the car, they get in. She pulls out of the driveway, drives down the street, stops at a stoplight. This annoys Blair, "Ive got somewhere to be, why should i stop for all these idiots? I work at a very good fasion boutique, What do they do?" )
Blair: (looking at Odie) "Were just more important, arnt we."
(Waiting at the stop light, Blair remembers her thought in the shower.)
Blair: "Ryan? Seriously, i need to gets on some meds."
(The fittingness of this statement made her laugh, she probably always thought her whole life that if there was one person that would make her down Prozac it would in fact be Ryan. But like this? By thinking of him in the shower? Thats a curve ball she never thought would happen. The irony of the situation makes her feel better.)
Blair: (Petting Odie) " I dont need meds, do i Odie? Just some cock i guess."
(Odie looks at her, still confused)

Running Dialouge Part 1

(Enter Ryan)

(ring ring ring)
Ryan: "Hey Brit, Hows Cali."
Brit: "Fuckin' Awesome! How are you?"
Ryan: "Im ok, freaking everybody left the CH, and that sucks, but all in all ive been ok. Miss you."
Brit: "Aw, Ry. I miss you too."
(awkward silence)
Ryan: " So, tell me about SoCal."
Brit: "Well, its fun. Ive been raving/partying alot, so I dont get to see my new apt that much, and when i do i dont really remember, but it seems nice i guess."
Ryan: "So its like the west coast version of McDade?"
Brit: "Sure i guess, but just with less drama and ALOT more sex."
Ryan: (unzipping his pants): "Haha, very nice!"
(Beep...Beep)
Ryan: "Brit, hold that thought, i have another call."
Brit: (annoyed) "ok"
Ryan: "Hello"
Stefan: "YO!"
Ryan: (quickly zipping his pants back up)
"Oh hey man, whats up? Howve u been?"
Stefan (sounding like he's stretching) "Alright, you?"
Ryan: "Pretty good man, i actually have Brit on the other line now, can i call u back?"
Stefan: (disappointed) "mmmmmk"
(Beep)
Ryan: "Hey Brit u there?"
Brit: (not speaking into the phone) "what?....OH MY GOD... i cant beleive i did that?"
Bettina: (in the background, laughing) "You so did, and he had a cleft lip Brit! CHARITY CASE!"
Brit (back into the phone): "Looks like i do contribute to those less fortunate after all!"
Ryan: (sketched out) "ummm...ughhh...way to go Marie."
Brit: (laughing hysterically) "Wow...ok"
Ryan: "That was Stefan that just called"
Brit: "Gotcha. Well i actually kinda gotta go now."
Ryan: "oh...well ok."
Brit: "But ill talk to u later, Love ya Ry."
Ryan:(snearing) "Love you too Brit."

-3 hours later-

(Ryan asleep)
(ring, ring, ring)
Ryan: "Hello?"
Stefan: "Your good at calling people back!"
Ryan: (confused) "Huh?Oh....well. Sorry about that man. Im actually asleep right now, can i call u later?"
Stefan: "Its 3 pm."
Ryan: "....yep..."
Stefan: (annoyed and disappointed, mother yelling something in the background) "Jesus, i wish the group was all back together"
Ryan: "Me too man, me too. Later."
Stefan: "Later."
(Clcik. Click)